It's Okay
by Challenger2011
Summary: The drop isn't a long one, but it feels like an eternity. Natasha reflects.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**A/N: Spoilers for Endgame.**

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They say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.

That's not the case for Natasha, something she's grateful for. Too many things have happened in her life, things she's done, the red in her ledger, and she doesn't want to relive that. Not here. Not now. She doesn't want to die. Not really. If there was another way out of it, she'd take it. But she's not letting Clint die for her, so this is how it's going to be. And if she's dying, she's not going out looking back on the dark parts of her past.

The drop isn't a long one, but it feels like an eternity. In her line of work the thought, "Is this the day?", is always in the back of your mind. "But are you ready?", isn't a choice. Is there one thing she wishes she could have done? Are there words that she should have said? Faces pass through her mind.

Her family. The Avengers. They weren't always the closest, and they kept being torn apart, but they were hers. Steve, Tony, Thor, Bruce, Clint. Their family had grown, but those five had been the start. If there's one regret to be had, it'd be not being able to give them a proper goodbye.

She thinks of Steve first. There were always feelings of possibilities with him, but it never quite felt right. They had become close friends over the years, and she guesses he must have rubbed off on her. Sacrificing herself to save lives. She never imagined she'd have that in common with him when they first met. Only she wouldn't be coming back from this one.

_You'd better go get a life when all of this is over, Rogers._

Then there's Tony Stark. She usually knows a person from the first fifteen minutes of meeting them. She's glad to say that she was wrong about him. The narcissistic playboy turned out to be a valuable team player. No, he didn't always play well with others, but he is a good man. One of the best she'd ever known.

_Glad you grew up, Tony. When this is over, go back to that lake house and never let go of Pepper and Morgan. Keep the peace you've found._

With Thor, she feels sadness. She and the Asgardian had never been the closest, but it still hurts seeing what had become of him within the past five years. When she first met him, she never imagined how far he would fall. Losing your family, your home, feeling like you failed, it could tear you down. She only wishes he had let them try to help him before he got to this point.

_It's time to pull yourself together, Thor. The others are there for you, they'll help you with what you're going through if you let them. No hiding yourself away when this is all done._

Bruce. The one man she felt she could really have loved and maybe could have had a future with. The one she felt a connection to and understood, and felt like he could maybe, just maybe, get a glimpse of what it was like to be her. To feel like a monster, but knowing deep down there's something good inside fighting against the dark to get out. Merging into something unique. He seemed more at peace now then she could ever remember. Finally embracing and accepting who he is. Turing a once feared and dangerous creature into a role model and celebrity.

_Stay happy, Bruce._

And then there's Clint. Her best friend, her partner, the man who had given her a second chance. Now she's returning the favor. It hurts seeing what the loss of Laura and the kids have done to him. Seeing him going down the path he'd helped save her from. He has hope again, and there was no way she ever would have let him die without seeing those kids again. As she falls, she meets his eyes one more time and smiles.

_It's okay, Clint. You're going to have your kids again soon. Make sure to tell them that Auntie Nat loves them, and she's sorry she can't see them again. And, Clint, thank you. For everything._

Natasha doesn't want to die, but she supposes there are worse ways to go. Her death, her sacrifice, means they can undo the damage Thanos caused. Her part is done, her boys will take care of the rest and bring everyone back. And she can rest, because she thinks that this should make up for everything in the past.

Her ledger is wiped clean.

It's all okay now.

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**A/N: It's really not okay. I wanted her to live. I wanted them all to live. Natasha and Tony are my favorites, and Marvel just ripped my heart out with Endgame. **


End file.
